What is happening? What cultural through-line has emerged that would join such surreal-life bedfellows as a pop-piano-playing crooner, a flamboyant professional basketball player, a reclusive children’s-book author, a twentysomething Internet gazillionaire, and a genocidal madman together in diagnostic brotherhood?
Do you see yourself? How could you not? If not here, then on some other much discussed continuum. Something fluid, drawn in every shade but black or white.
It’s the twenty-fir$t century and we must all ri$e to $elf-actualization if we wanna $tay current. I’m hip to that. Be your be$t, toa$ted-and-$ea$oned $elf. In the name of engendering truly authentic envy, DIY it. Toa$t afficionado$, fire up your bread oven$!
And, if in doubt, add $alt.
How to Make Toa$t So A*e$*m* You Can Charge $4 a $lice
According to Josey Baker of The Mill in San Francisco, “There’s plenty of people doing toast now, [but] most of them aren’t making the bread themselves. It’s a really critical piece of the puzzle as far as we’re concerned.”
And while The Mill was not the first to create a thick-sliced, Nutella-topped piece of artisanal toast, Baker and his crew have certainly perfected the art. The one caveat? The thing some people can’t get over? That coveted slice can run you upwards of $4.
“Hipster Toast,” as the phenomenon is being called by outraged and genuinely befuddled media outlets, has taken San Francisco by storm, with iterations at bakeries and cafés around the city.
Bring on the hip$ters, $ay$ I, but plea$e leave any mention of the verb “do” out of it. Don’t wanna do toa$t, thank you anyway.
A toast of one’s oun.
All properly raised children should take (and fill) orders for breakfast from parents still cover-nestled. Our manual failed to include this imperative. Should I want a toast of my oun, I am on my oun.
If you look closely, you can see that the clipboard says “oun toast.” (It’s part of Dad’s order. One toast. I am getting a bagel with cc).
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The Lunch Encounter